Most of us would be
aware of the meaning of this word which according to some people has plagued
the cricketing world for a long time, and according to some has added spice to
an on-field rivalry and provided entertainment to everyone and according to some
doesn't affect the gentlemen's game at all. I belong to the second category and
though the general Indian consensus is that its mean, breaks concentration of
the players and is against the spirit of the game, I prefer to view it as
something which adds to the entertainment the game of cricket is providing. So,
here I am trying to make you laugh with some of the most hilarious, witty,
jocular and amusing on-field sledges as well as amazing display of wit and
humor in response to the former.
Indian fans have come to
terms with this concept of sledging very recently after the advent of
television and live coverage but the historic Ashes series has been an
eye-witness to this word play on the cricketing pitch for a very long time now.
Here are some of the selected ones:
1. Aussie fast bowler Merv Hughes beat outside edge
of the England star batsman Graham Gooch a lot of times, after which he
joked "I’ll get you a piano instead — see if you can play that.”
2. Aussie wicket-keeper Rod Marsh asked Ian Botham
as he was coming in to bat ‘So, how’s your wife and my kids?’, to
which Botham replied “The wife’s fine but the kids are
retarded.".
3. Eccentric England batsman Derek Randall after
being hit on the head by a Dennis Lillee bouncer :“It’s no good hitting me there,
mate, there’s nothing to damage.”
4. Steven Waugh asks Ricky Ponting to field at
silly point 'Right under Nasser Hussain's nose', to which Ian Healey responded
by saying “That’s anywhere inside a three-mile radius.”
5. Shane Warne bowled Mike Gatting with the
ball of the century on which Graham Gooch punned "If it had been a cheese
roll, it wouldn’t have got past him.”
6. England captain Douglas Jardine came up to the
Aussie skipper Bill Woodfull and complained that he is being sworn at by the
Aussie slip fielders. He walks up to them and asks “Which one of you bastards called
this bastard a bastard?”
7. Remember the charming twin brother of Steve
Waugh, yeah Mark Waugh tells England bowler Jimmy Ormond that he is not good
enough to play for England to which he replied “But at least I’m the best player
in my family.”
8. Justin Langer was playing as the 12th man and
got real excited when the whole team was sledging Nasser Hussain and joined in.
Hussain quicky reacted “Look, I don’t mind the others chirping at
me but you’re just the bus driver of this team.”
Now some of the best
Non-Ashes sledging moments:
1. Malcom Marshall was giving a hard time to David
Boon with the ball and asked: "Now David, are you going to get out or
am I going to have to come round the wicket and kill you?"
2. Another one of Merv Hughes moment, the guy was
an entertainer. Javed Miandad wanted to get under his skin and called him a
fat, fat bus conductor. After a few deliveries, Merv dismissed Miandad and ran
past him and shouted "Tickets, please!"
3. An Australian batsman was walking onto the
field, opened the gate and before he could shut it, Fred Trueman remarked "Don't
bother shutting it son, you won't be there long enough".
4. Mike Whitney was on the field as a sub fielder
while Shastri was batting. Shastri hits the ball to Whitney and contemplates a
single. Whitney throws the ball in and says: "Stay in your crease or I'll
break your fucken head". Shastri replies: "If
you could bowl as well as you talk you wouldn't be the fucken 12th man!"
5. Shane Warne was bowling when South African Daryl
Cullinan came on to bat. Warne couldn't resist heckling him: "I've
been waiting two years for another chance at you". Cullinan got
him back with a ripper: "Looks like you spent it
eating...". It even left the Aussie fielders ROFL.
6. Sunil Gavaksar dropped himself to no. 4 for one
test against the West Indies. Malcom Marshall dismissed Gaekwad and Vengsarkar
for a score of 0, and when Gavaskar came on to bat, Marshall said "Man
it don't matter where you come in, the score is still zero!"
7. In a county match in England, Thomas was bowling
to Richards and getting a few to whizz past the bat. After Richards played and
missed another one, Thomas said: "It's red, it's round. Now fucken hit
it!". This obviously angered Richards who proceeded to hit the
next ball out of the ground. Richards: "You know what it looks like
now go and get it."
8. A frustrated Glen McGrath asked Zimbabwean Eddo
Brandes why he is so fat to which he replied “Because every time I make love
to your wife, she gives me a biscuit .” Even the Aussie slip
fielders were in hysterics.
9. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes
was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was
hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.After the umpteenth boundary,
Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: “Try
hitting that for six .”
10. A 19-year old Parthiv Patel was bantering the
38-year old Steve Waugh during his last match trying to unsettle him "
Come on, just one more of the famous slog-sweeps before you finish". Steve
Waugh replied ‘Look, show a bit of respect. You were in nappies when I debuted 18
years ago’. Even the Indian fielders burst into laughter.
11. A young West Indian bowler was trying to sledge
experienced Sunil Gavaskar, Gavaskar retorted, “Son, don’t waste time sledging
at me. I have been sledged at more often than you have taken a piss”.
12. Trueman bowls. Batsman is trapped plumb LBW.
Trueman appeals. Not out. Next ball. Trueman ever-so-slightly irritated.
Trueman bowls. Audible snick, ball deflects and sails upward,
caught behind. Trueman appeals. Not out.Third ball. Trueman a
little more irritated now. Trueman bowls. Through the gate, stumps
spread-eagled, middle stump uprooted and cartwheeling. Trueman turns to the
umpire and says with a wry smile, ‘We nearly had him that time, didn’t we?’
Even the great great WG
Garce never shied away from having a fun chatter with the players and umpires:
Once in an exhitbition
match given out leg-before, he refused to walk and told the umpire: “They
came to watch me bat, not you bowl “. And the innings continued.
Once, when the ball
knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: ”Twas
the wind which took thy bail off, good sir.” (It was the wind
which took the bail off)
The umpire replied: “Indeed,
doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to
the pavilion .”
Charles Kortright had
dismissed him four or five times in a county game – only for the umpires to
keep turning down his appeals. Finally, he uprooted two of Grace’s three
stumps. Grace stalled, as though waiting for a no-ball call or something,
before reluctantly walking off with Kortright’s words in his ears: ”
Surely you’re not going, doctor? There’s still one stump standing.”
I hope you had fun
reading this one. There is nothing better to watch than a fierce competition
with funny sledges and funnier comebacks. I feel it adds a little something special
to the gracious game!!!
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